The Friday Funnies! Mr. Delk and the Elf!

In the year of the pox, Mr. Delk was hired by WLOX to spread Christmas cheer throughout the studio via his magnificent decorations. In the spirit of the season, he kindly hired a Senior Citizen Elf on the Shelf who had befallen upon hard times. The Elf, eager to please but not too bright, was to be his right-hand man. Alas, things didn’t go as planned.

The Elf, his mind wandering, eagerly held the ladder for Mr. Delk while he hung the ceiling decorations. However, he failed to warn him that he was about to miss the last two steps as he descended the ladder. Disaster! Mr. Delk hit the floor with a plop and an expletive. Feeling a fridge blast of air from below, he realized he’d split his pants, exposing his Mariah Carey skivvies. Another expletive.

Then came the trees. The Elf failed to attach the correct ornament hangers, and minutes after the trees were adorned, balls started hitting the floor, bouncing around the room with Mr. Delk doing the watusi while attempting to corral them. Another expletive.

As the work day was nearing its end, further tragedy struck. Mr. Elliott was not warned by the Elf to pay attention to the low-hanging ornaments–he gashed his head on one of them, requiring a large, unsightly Ban-aid. Another expletive…not Mr. Delk…Mr. Elliott. A scream was then heard.

The Elf found a dead mouse in a box of decorations and accidentally dropped it in Miss Abernathy’s lap minutes before her 4 O’clock Show. No expletive…she fainted. Mr. Delk profusely apologized and, like Elvis, left the building, dragging the Senior Citizen Elf on the Shelf by his big ears out the door. He was not rehired the following Holiday Season. Whenever his name is now mentioned to Mr. Delk…well, you know…another expletive.

(Story slightly embellished by the Elf. )

(Originally posted December 15, 2023)