The Friday Funnies! The Ho Ho Ho Man!

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Well, Christmas shoppers, here’s the latest. I get a panicked call from Gulfport’s most powerful retail executive, Ms. Pamela Berry Meinzinger. She’s all in a dither. “I gotta have a chair decorated for the Outlet Mall ’cause Santa Claus is comin’ to town,” says she. “No problem,” says I.

Then disaster struck. When we told Santa what we wanted for Christmas, he informed Ms. Meinzinger that she was on the triple naughty list, with a rap sheet from here to D’Lo and back. I sniggered, knowing that I was as innocent as a newborn baby. The Ho-Ho-Ho man heard my snigger and pronounced judgment on me.

“Remember Anthony Wayne Kalberg, a fellow is known by the company he keeps, which makes you more guilty than she is. You’re on my naughty list for the rest of your life, which won’t be long if you keep drinking all those Bloody Marys at the Chimneys, listening to Rock Music, smoking rabbit tobacco, and partying all night. You’ll be over to Riemanns all too soon, looking all waxy in the box.

Well, there you have it! Keep shopping, Shoppers. (😂)

(Originally published December 22, 2023)