The Friday Funnies – Woe! Is Me!

Woe! Is me! Christmas presents, I don’t know what to return.

The Tiffany nose ring? The designer toilet, with automatic wiper and cheek massage? Or the Lucchese leather boots with instant stiletto heel ejectors, great for that moment when you’ve had too much happy juice at a redneck bar and say, “Bubba! Hold my drink.”

Then there’s the beardaments I received, mini ornaments designed to fit on one’s whiskers. Problem is, I don’t have a beard. I received a buck-fifty gift card to Madam Ling-ling’s Lotus Blossom Happy House, but at that low price, I’ve been told that the house is not too happy…if you know what I mean.

The Polaroid Swinger Camera was lovely, but the flash almost blinded me when I attempted to take a selfie. End results? Numerous snaps of wadded nose hair. Oy Vey!

Well, there you have. What to return? My life is so difficult. ()

(Originally published December 29, 2023)